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February 8, 2007 / zanzi

while philo class (early modernism) went on – an unpolished paradigm

What is a relationship? Does it require physical togetherness, common interests, shared history – in short, is it dependent on circumstance? Or is it free of space and time, an independent entity, having a beginning but no conditions for sustenance thereafter? If this latter, then does it exist in splendid isolation between two organisms and if so, is it also impingent on both the entities involved, acting as a dynamic organic system itself?

In other words, does a relationship one is in, involve one’s self to the extent of influencing and changing it? If its roots reach deep enuf, a relationship serves as a mirror to present objectively one’s own blindnesses, or shadows, through an interaction with another. Thus a relationship serves as a learning tool. Also, it brings out in one the capacity to care and fulfils the need to be nurtured. However, is it based on unconditional love? If one’s need to be loved is not necessarily to be answered through another being, i.e. if one is in and of oneself complete, then possibly yes. In which case one comes to regard a relationship as a free, positive event. It does not have a hold on one, one is not answerable to another being in that there is no claim of the other on oneself. But is that how it works out in practice?

One almost inevitably gets involved emotionally, immersed physically, and though the consequent psychological manifestations do not necessarily get in the way of its primary purpose, they do imply that the relationship has a hold on the entities in question. This is where exclusivity, attachment, possession, jealousy, pain, hurt, anger and other self-hate phenomena are on display. One feels incomplete, insecure in oneself and about the other.

Where does this lead to? One might feel confused. As a rule, it is possible to sink indefinitely ionto such puzzlement, perhaps get mired in self-pity. On the other hand, one can stay with the question and yet live with a sense of elation. This approach best exemplifies the difference between being lonely and alone.


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